I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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