Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
