there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
