It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
