am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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