the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
