Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
