You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
