The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
