I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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