After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i need some magic done to my vagina
When are your genitals available?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
