alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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