Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
