You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
