I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
