The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
