so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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