Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Drunk is not a location!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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