i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
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