well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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