I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
