i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
