I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
