Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
