my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
