Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
