ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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