Me too!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize