I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
