I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
