I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
