Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Randomize
