Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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