We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
