There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
