1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
