I was born with a shot glass in my hand
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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