I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
