i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
