kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
