Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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