he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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