I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
