I hope mine doesn't look like that
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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