I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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