It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
