I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
