You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
