I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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