You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
