last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
