Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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