new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
