We won't sleep together?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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