Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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