How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
