before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
