I cannot find my penis.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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